Confessions of a High School Spy

I was unfortunate enough to mention my secret love for films like Bring It On and Stick It, and it was recommended that I watch D.E.B.S. Needless to say, D.E.B.S. is not like those other movies at all. Where cheerleaders and gymnasts exist in a pseudo-sexual world, the D.E.B.S. exist in an up front celebration of the tongue in cheek stereotypes of said cheerleaders and gymnasts. Yes, it is a lesbian love story. No, it is not pornographic. Yes, it is corny. Yes, I did like it.

The D.E.B.S. are an elite school of possible spies. They have been chosen based on a hidden test in the SATs that evaluates their spyness. If chosen, they are taken to a D.E.B.S. training school. Our main characters are spy students who run across the most foul villian in the D.E.B.S. world, Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster). Amy Bradshaw (Sara Foster) is our main protagonist and the only D.E.B.S. to ace the hidden test. By chance, she is writing a thesis on Lucy Diamond. And by chance, she happens to literally run into her. As their eyes and guns lock, the sparks fly. The rest of the film is about their relationship and the plight of Amy in the world of D.E.B.S.

I realize that all of that sound really bad. I’m not about to argue the lunacy of the plot, it’s simply what it is. In many ways its your typical girl meets girl story. Oh right, forgot to mention that Lucy is a lesbian and Sara isn’t, at least she’s not at first. But then she is, or maybe she is. You know, I’m not sure. Perhaps she’s just in love with Lucy and it doesn’t really matter what she is. Labels suck anyways.

So let me get down to the goods and bads in a more direct manner. The acting borders on obscene, simply because it’s bad most of the time. Each character plays a stereotype. From the inept and borderline dense Janet (Jill Ritchie) to the French sex addict Dominique (Devon Aoki) to the drill sergeant squad leader Max Brewer (Meagan Good). Yes I know it’s supposed to be campy, but at least give me more than a bad accent (or good if you like overdone French). The two leads, Sara and Lucy, are actually quite good though. The plot we’ve discussed, no surprise that it is also comical (perhaps because it was based on a comic). Aside from that, everything from the cinematography to the action is just okay.

So what’s good? The music was awesome. It’s like an 80s flashback and dance party all wrapped into one. My favorite was Lucy singing to Erasure’s “A Little Respect.” So what else? The love story. There are many movies that try and sell a love story. They want the audience to buy into the love and believe that these two people truly love each other. If they can get that, they are able to manipulate to audience into opening the emotional flood gates. Aside from the lipstick quality to Lucy and Sara (they are both gorgeous), I believed they love each other. Their playfulness and seriousness combined to create this aura of true love. Now basis for this reaction can be traced the whole way back to The Princess Bride. That for me was a film that defined a love story. Lucy and Sara share that same love. Who cares if they are both girls, hell if it works this well they could both be boys, or even aliens. In another context; if this film was less campy, it could be one of the great love stories of all time.

Is it worth the watch? I guess I’m just a sucker for films like this because I was very happy I looked past the cheese and found the gold. It was also nice to see a female director, Angela Robinson take the helm. While this film may not be for everyone (I’m thinking of people that are offended by spies), it has this very playful and innocent quality. I may even watch it again, no probably not. But at least watch it once. For crying out loud Michael Clarke Duncan is in it. Oh come one, if I can sit through D.O.A you can sit through this.