The Trials of an Iron Horse Put Out to Pasture

I was once a young buck with a dream of mountain trails with mud and rocks. Trails that I would conquer on my bike. Just me and my Proflex 555 full suspension mountain bike. Dreams of leading a renegade biker gang during the apocalypse, roving the wilderness for food and security. I am so glad that the apocalypse didn’t come, some bikes are not meant to last forever.

I now have a new dream, one rekindled out of shame rather than fame. A dream where I would ride my bike once again. For some reason I had it stuck in my mind that my old bike would still be the beast I remembered, but there was once catch: I bought the bike in 1995. Count it up folks, that’s 16 years ago. At least 14 of those without any use. A lonely bike gathering dust in a basement. Yet I had dreams. Dreams of fitness. Dreams of a single track. Dreams of an old man (okay I’m not that old but you get the picture). Then, I pulled my bike from its resting place.

Before I could go for a ride, my tires needed air. Or more to the point, I needed new tires to put air into. This led me to find my good ole local bike shoppe. (Don’t worry, I will give the shout out later but I’ll resist here so I don’t lose you). No problem I said, a quick visit will have everything fixed. Two weeks later, my bike had been greased and lubed, cleaned and checked. Before you go off on the two week wait, it was actually not a bad thing. You see, everyone wants their bike ready for summer. I also had to wait an extra day or so on my tires, again not a problem. And then there it was, my bike. Ready for combat.

Let me stop here a second and explain that the Proflex 555 is a full suspension bike that uses elastomers for rear suspension. In 1995 it was an incredible bike, but things got better in the bike world.

Now on with the story. First ride was a dream. It was like I had never gotten off the bike. Well, except for the immense pain in my ass from riding and the fact that my endurance was non-existent. Four miles. Well, we all have to start somewhere. I prepared for ride number two (with a nice new pair of padded shorts). Everything was going good, six miles had been reached. And then, the beast was awoken. Or at least the tube of my tire was awoken as it popped and I was sent into a nice little slide. Bike 1, me 0. And here is the result of sliding your bike across the ground at around 15 mph.

A little road rash.

A trip back to my local bike shop and a new tube was ready. My knee was not. Getting older means many things including nose hair and grumbling about kids on your lawn. It also means that injuries take a bit more time to overcome. Undeterred, I was once again back on my bike. Five miles went by, six miles went by, seven miles went by, rear elastomers went bye bye. My worst fear had come true. One rear elastomer melted as you will see in the next image.

Cheesecake anyone?

Now normally this would be where I go back again to the bike shop to replace the elastomer. However, 16 year old bikes do not always have available parts. For this bike, the rear elastomer is typically the death knell. I was saddened by this turn of events and was sure that I would either buy a new bike or go running instead. But then I called Jim. Well, I called my local bike shop and Jim happened to answer the phone. I told my tale and we both wept at the impending demise of my beloved beast. And then I said those magic words, “I think I saw someone put a spring on one.” Jim had heard these wild rumors but something this time was different. Something had been awoken in Jim. Perhaps it was the sadness in my voice or his cavalier attitude, but Jim was not ready for my bike to pine for the fjords. Over a few calls we developed a plan. Okay, Jim developed a plan. The next day my bike visited Jim. And Jim revived the beast.

Jim

That is my bike, now with a rear coil spring salvaged from another dead patient. No, it shouldn’t work like that and no it is a bit crazy. However, what do we say to death? Not today! The beast is back, I’m just worried what the next trial will be.

If not for the fearless crew at Pedal Pusher Bike Shop, my beast would be slain. With their help I was able to bring it back to life and hopefully put many more miles on my old friend. Is it pretty? Hell no, but when is a beast ever pretty. So thank you Jim and Pedal Pusher! You saved my beast. Give some love to Pedal Pusher and Jim by giving them your business and /or beer. I will certainly be going back (hopefully for upgrades and other items rather than an ER visit).

My beast is back and I plan on moving forward in my goal. I’ll let you know how it goes.