I now have a new dream, one rekindled out of shame rather than fame. A dream where I would ride my bike once again. For some reason I had it stuck in my mind that my old bike would still be the beast I remembered, but there was once catch: I bought the bike in 1995. Count it up folks, that’s 16 years ago. At least 14 of those without any use. A lonely bike gathering dust in a basement. Yet I had dreams. Dreams of fitness. Dreams of a single track. Dreams of an old man (okay I’m not that old but you get the picture). Then, I pulled my bike from its resting place.

Before I could go for a ride, my tires needed air. Or more to the point, I needed new tires to put air into. This led me to find my good ole local bike shoppe. (Don’t worry, I will give the shout out later but I’ll resist here so I don’t lose you). No problem I said, a quick visit will have everything fixed. Two weeks later, my bike had been greased and lubed, cleaned and checked. Before you go off on the two week wait, it was actually not a bad thing. You see, everyone wants their bike ready for summer. I also had to wait an extra day or so on my tires, again not a problem. And then there it was, my bike. Ready for combat.

Let me stop here a second and explain that the Proflex 555 is a full suspension bike that uses elastomers for rear suspension. In 1995 it was an incredible bike, but things got better in the bike world.

Now on with the story. First ride was a dream. It was like I had never gotten off the bike. Well, except for the immense pain in my ass from riding and the fact that my endurance was non-existent. Four miles. Well, we all have to start somewhere. I prepared for ride number two (with a nice new pair of padded shorts). Everything was going good, six miles had been reached. And then, the beast was awoken. Or at least the tube of my tire was awoken as it popped and I was sent into a nice little slide. Bike 1, me 0. And here is the result of sliding your bike across the ground at around 15 mph.

A little road rash.

A trip back to my local bike shop and a new tube was ready. My knee was not. Getting older means many things including nose hair and grumbling about kids on your lawn. It also means that injuries take a bit more time to overcome. Undeterred, I was once again back on my bike. Five miles went by, six miles went by, seven miles went by, rear elastomers went bye bye. My worst fear had come true. One rear elastomer melted as you will see in the next image.

Cheesecake anyone?

Now normally this would be where I go back again to the bike shop to replace the elastomer. However, 16 year old bikes do not always have available parts. For this bike, the rear elastomer is typically the death knell. I was saddened by this turn of events and was sure that I would either buy a new bike or go running instead. But then I called Jim. Well, I called my local bike shop and Jim happened to answer the phone. I told my tale and we both wept at the impending demise of my beloved beast. And then I said those magic words, “I think I saw someone put a spring on one.” Jim had heard these wild rumors but something this time was different. Something had been awoken in Jim. Perhaps it was the sadness in my voice or his cavalier attitude, but Jim was not ready for my bike to pine for the fjords. Over a few calls we developed a plan. Okay, Jim developed a plan. The next day my bike visited Jim. And Jim revived the beast.

Jim

That is my bike, now with a rear coil spring salvaged from another dead patient. No, it shouldn’t work like that and no it is a bit crazy. However, what do we say to death? Not today! The beast is back, I’m just worried what the next trial will be.

If not for the fearless crew at Pedal Pusher Bike Shop, my beast would be slain. With their help I was able to bring it back to life and hopefully put many more miles on my old friend. Is it pretty? Hell no, but when is a beast ever pretty. So thank you Jim and Pedal Pusher! You saved my beast. Give some love to Pedal Pusher and Jim by giving them your business and /or beer. I will certainly be going back (hopefully for upgrades and other items rather than an ER visit).

My beast is back and I plan on moving forward in my goal. I’ll let you know how it goes.

We begin with fireworks. My daughter has never watched fireworks, so we kept her up late to watch them. As the anticipation rose, I realized that our daughter had no prior knowledge of what to expect. As the colors exploded overhead, she smiled and ooohed and aaahed. This was her one moment where from that point onward, she would know the anticipation we had felt. It was a singular recognition that these are the first impressions that will shape the rest of her life and that it was an honor and a privilege to be a part of that. Yes, that’s the best feeling.

Compare that to sedation and Novocaine. The next morning we woke her up and took her to the dentist so that she could have cavities filled (she unfortunately inherited deep crevices on her molars). There she was, knowing what to expect and worrying that she may throw up from the medicine (which she did before and led to a redo when she couldn’t drink the last time). But my wife was there with a medicine syringe and all was well. At least all was finished, the rest of the day was spent watching movies and desperately trying to explain why my daughter could not run through the house since even though she felt okay the fact was that she was wobbly and was on the verge of hitting every surface of our house. But it was over and the teeth are all fixed.

Which leads me to the next day and her four year old check-up. Now I knew that she would be getting a shot, so I prepped her for it by telling her how brave she was and that our dog doesn’t even flinch when he gets his shots. All of this coming from someone who has a great fear of needles. So there we were in the doctor’s office and they tell me she will be getting three shots and a finger prick to test her blood. I outwardly said no problem, but inside I was puking. After many tears, she was brave. What was unique was that at that moment, fear of needles and all, I would have taken a shot just to help her. I would have taken three shots if necessary.

All in all, life is good. Each moment of her life actually makes me think of my own. I am still scared to death of needles, but if my daughter can be brave, so can I. Sometimes, we all need some help to get us through our wobblies. And finally, our first moments are there to be loved and remembered, not feared. So there’s some parenting for you.

I think I may be getting to the point that the good apps are the ones I keep using.  I guess that goes without saying though, obviously my Karma at Plurk will suffer.  So when is it too much?  When have we reached the social limit of Web 2.0?  I’m sure that one day a new app will emerge and I will try it.  I am also sure that eventually the world will end.  If it does, where should I blog about it and should I change my status on Facebook to “Gone Fishing” or “Oh damn…”

I can’t wait to throw myself into the work.  Hopefully this means I can get a Macbook (even though I get one from the job it’s not a Mac and I have to wait for it so I want one now).  As a side note, anyone that has a used Macbook or Macbook Pro for sale let me know!  To keep that going, anyone that wants to buy my comic collection let me know!  I will also be a slave for the right price.  I have some practice, ask my wife.

So there you go, great news for me.  Just in time for my daughter to turn 4 next week, she’s already happy that Daddy will be home most evenings.

So I’m thinking I could approach this two ways. Honestly keep things the same and don’t worry that an extra ten minutes of Sabrina the Teenage Witch reruns may put it back on the air or that by not watching wrestling this week it would get canceled. I could also make sure that certain favorite shows would get watched more… Oh sorry I was rubbing my hands together menacingly. That’s right, Adult Swim 24 hours every damn day of the week.

That’s when it dawned on me, I am just a little tiny one celled organism floating in the big huge pond of ratings. My votes count, but only if they add to the big shows. I can’t make Frisky Dingo have a better rating unless everyone else has an epiphany and watches it as well. So that settles it, TV watching as usual. I wonder if that means that my obsession with Hope and Faith will finally be vindicated when Kelly Ripa and Megan Fox get their own show? On second thought, perhaps a little adjusting of my viewing habits will be needed.

I really hope Memphis wins tonight, only because they remind me of the old UNLV.  You know, thugs and crooks that can play basketball.  They were charming.  Part of this decision comes from the fact that I am a PSU fan for life, and since their basketball team sucks (along with the game play of the Big 10) I was forced to root for Syracuse basketball.  Anyone familiar with the Orangmen’s MO would know that there are only rare occassions that the NCAA Tournament actually brings joy.  Mostly it brings tears, thank you Richmond.  Essentially, when all else fails I want to see all of the supposed best teams lose.  If I can’t win then no one can.  Since someone has to win, make it a team that shocks the world.

So Memphis isn’t really shocking the world, but a win by them tonight would secure their place in the history of sports.  At least until next year when everyone has forgotten who won this year.  Besides that, the Kansas mascot is the Jayhawk.  Who would root for a Jayhawk.

It never fails to amaze me that an actor can essentially play them self in every film and yet we are okay with that.  Vinnie is not known for his Shakespeare or Ibsen, he’s known for his intimidation and Britishness.  Come to think of it, that was the whole reason I like Nigella Lawson.  Oh my god, I think I have a country crush on Britain.  From my Docs to my love of Guy Ritchie, I think I may be a bit envious of Jolly Ole England.  This is surprising because I used to have a country crush on Japan, which is why Survive Style 5+ is so important to this discussion.

It’s a weird Japanese film that stars Vinnie as a hitman.  Now if Nigella would pop on over and cook me up something while Billie Piper and I watched an Arsenal game with Vinnie Jones randomly showing up at my door with gifts of bangers for Nigella to cook up and a few pints, then I would be in country crush heaven.  Okay gotta go, I think I just heard The Clash playing.

Hillary is perhaps the most authentic candidate only because we know she’s lying.

I never thought I would be dead on but there you have it. I now have proof of my assumptions which is kinda scary because it all came down to supposed sniper fire. So how will this change her chances? I suppose it could actually help considering that now people will just play the opposite game with her. Hillary says we need to spend money, everyone will hear we need to save. She will claim she is tough on drugs, we will hear that she likes a joint every now and then. She says she forgives Bill, we hear that Bill is still doing what he was doing but Hillary kicks his ass every night for it. Aren’t politics grand?

I also came to a startling realization as I read Transmetropolitan for a fourth time. Warren Ellis also has a gift for seeing the future. His comic bookized political race has eerie similarities to the current race. Rather than explain this I direct you to now go and read the collected Transmetropolitan graphic novels. You’ll feel all educated and stuff.

So do I have another prediction? I’m just wondering what else may mirror Transmet. In the story a higher up campaign figure gets killed on live TV to further the campaign of The Smiler. I hope nothing like this happens, but there will be some episode of tragedy coming from one side of the campaign trail. Rudy’s only problem was that “his” tragedy happened further away than a current tragedy. Maybe Obama gets a hangnail and Hillary has a medical condition where we find out that her lying is a mental disorder. And what about McCain? He’s actually a prototype clone/cyborg that has a tendency to misinterpret conservative. It will be deduced that his AI was programmed by Ross Perot. Thank you and good night.

So imagine yourself about to walk into a job interview. You are a bit stressed and nervous and that door opens. Just as you set foot inside the door, the first chords of “Highway to Hell” kick in. Feel the power of AC/DC as you, due to the amazing power of Angus, confidently stride into the room knowing your going to nail the interview. Now imagine if “Hit Me One More Time” was playing. If for any reason you think that Britney would be better, you may as well turn around and leave the interview right then and there. You see, picking a theme song could be a defining moment of our lives. Or perhaps we would have some system of theme song choosing where every 5 years we have the option of changing our song.

Or better yet, our government funded personal theme machine would have different settings for different situations. If I was Iron Man, I would have some speakers put in that suit and play “Iron Man “every single time I come across a villain (thanks to the trailer for making my dreams come true). So what would your theme songs be and for what situations? How about some Dethklok and their ode to coffee when someone is in your way at Starbucks. Oh yes, there will be pain if you don’t get the hell out of my way. Barista, I need my coffee now or I will awaken the beast of the no coffee trench of the coast of Colombia. Or perhaps I would let Angus usher me in as I let everyone know that the bus I’m driving is going straight to hell, and their gonna love it.

My daughter was watching The Gummi Bears. Hopefully many of you remember these cute little bears that made Gummiberry juice and bounced around the forest combating the evil ogres and befriending the princess of a nearby kingdom. This cute tale of bears seems innocent enough, but let’s take a deeper look.

The Gummi Bears make Gummiberry juice which gives the bears the ability to bounce around while giving humans super strength (or so they think). The bad guys want the juice, however they also do not like the bears. In one episode Duke Igthorn (the main bad guy) actually stops the ogres from destroying Gummiberry bushes because he would rather do something else evil that would leave the bushes in tact so that the Gummi Bears could keep making Gumiberry juice. Oh my god the Gummi Bears are drug manufacturers! They create a “juice” that gives humans strength. I wonder if Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens have ever had Gummiberry juice?

Beyond that, the Gummi Bears have all of these secret passages and doorways that allow them to secretly travel throughout the kingdom. So now not only are they making drugs, they are also distributing the drugs in secret. They pop open a door in the Princesses headboard and say, “Hey there blondie, got your juice for ya.” (They don’t actually say that but you get the picture.)

The Gummi Bears also show individual signs of certain maladies. Take for instance Tummi Gummi, who appears to have an eating problem. Perhaps this is a side effect? Or what about the resident artist Gusto who talks to a toucan? Just how far does this evil go and will Zummi ever be able to gain back his short term memory so he can actually make a spell work right?

It’s a sad day when such icons of youth turn dark. I will forever remember the fond times of my youth when Gummiberry juice was just a plot device rather than an insidious epidemic. I can longer watch the show without thinking that perhaps steriods in baseball are the fault of the Gummi Bears. As my innocence has been lost, I only hope that Darkwing Duck does not happen to be on anytime soon or the rest of my innocence may be gone. Wait what was that, the Devil appears in an episode?