I love Indiana Jones. Heck, I want to be Indiana Jones, minus all the snakes, spiders, bugs, guns… Okay so maybe I just want to be the adventurer archaeologist.  I have to say that Harrison Ford looked great in his fedora.  The years have been kind in a rugged way, and he hasn’t lost that Indy touch.  However, the rest of the cast and the film itself has lost the Indy touch.

As far as the story goes, we get Indy on his to find out another mystery.  This time it deals with a crystal skull, that we eventually discover is potentially from a downed UFO and therefore an alien.  We are introduced to the baddies of the film which include Col. Dr. Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) as the evil Russian mind melter something or other.  The plot degenerates from there.  Moving right along after a great chase sequence, Indy finds himself on a nuclear test site for no reason except we get some neat graphics of him in a refrigerator flying through the air.  And a really bad gopher.  I never said Indiana Jones was believable, and in most cases you tend to overlook that when watching any Indiana Jones film.  Somewhere along the way we are introduced to Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf), who really got on my nerves.  Right from the start, his character reeks of bad acting and even worse future Indy styling.  Indy needs to save Mutt’s mom (which is a highlight as Karen Allen reprises her role as Marion Ravenwood) and his adopted dad (another minor highlight as Professor Henry ‘Ox’ Oxley is played by John Hurt), which miracle upon miracle, is wrapped up in the crystal skull craze.  Move the action to the jungle and cue more chases.  Finally we reach the ultimate answer the crystal skulls, aliens.  Fucking aliens.

My venom knows no bounds when it comes to the fact that even if a film is unbelievable, there are bounds to the unbelievability.  With Indiana Jones, the wild and unbelievable artifact was always at least somewhat rooted in threads of believability.  The arc is a believable legend, as well as the holy grail.  But for some reason, aliens do not seem rooted in anything but someone’s (Spielberg) obsession with aliens.  Crystal skulls have many legends attached to them including aliens, but legends and seeing a fucking alien open up a dimensional portal are two entirely different things.  I can accept all of the action, it fits Indy.  I can accept some bad acting, I did for three other Indy films.  But I cannot accept aliens.  Therefore I present my final verdict.

There is no reason to see this film unless you can overlook the fact that it is a bad film and just want to revel that Harrison Ford can still be Indiana Jones.  I would rather go back and watch all three other Indy films than watch this one again.  My frustration with this film is comparable to the unforgivable Lucas doing more Star Wars films.  Oh gee, you mean Lucas was involved with this too.  Now it all makes sense.  Look, Indiana Jones will always be a crowd pleaser and a money maker, but enough is enough.  Shia will not be the next Indiana and there should be no more Indiana Jones films.  I suggest you watch National Treasure: Book of Secrets instead.  You heard me, it was more entertaining.  So long Indy, you will always have a place in my heart but now that place has a little black spot I call, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

The opening scene of the graphic novel is Evey walking the streets looking to find a john for her very first foray into prostitution. This small occurrence asserts that everyone is experiencing bad times, and that even an innocent girl has to whore herself to survive. This is a powerful image to begin with, and concentrates the reader on the ideas about to be presented. The film has Evey (Natalie Portman) working for the media. Blah, my first groan and only signs of things to come.

I really wanted to like this film and wanted to say to Alan Moore “you idiot this was great.” But that was not to be. It took me a day or two to realize that I really did not like this film. It was a case of the book being better, but I also think that the ideas are better. The main goal behind the graphic novel was not to present the story as a man against another man. It was V, opening the door for the people of England to revolt against a fascist government that was controlling every aspect of their daily life. They needed V to open their eyes. The fascist government was more reminiscent of 1984, using media and rewriting history. There were echoes of Nazism with the unacceptable rounded up and slaughtered or experimented on, but this was also a part of 1984. The film veered away from this drastically. V becomes more than just an instigator (which in the graphic novel he fully realizes which is why he never sees himself as a good guy), he becomes an anti-hero; one man against not a government but another man. Adam Sutler (John Hurt) is the ego-maniacal dictator whose personal agenda leads the country. He becomes a Hitleresque character, or as some have noted a close approximation to GW Bush. The film relies heavily on images that conjure up the Nazis while downplaying the 1984 vibe. I think that this moves the film drastically away from the original text, making V nothing more than a terrorist, and a somewhat crazy one at that.

There were some good aspects to the film. As a fellow viewer in front of me commented, “Those explosions were cool!” I have to agree, especially with The 1812 Overture playing in the background. The film does not lack spectacular effects, which makes sense since this is directed by the Wachowski brothers of The Matrix fame. I also thought that the scenes with Evey entrapped by (SPOILER ALERT) V was one of the better transitions from novel to film.

I could go much further with how the film strays from the graphic novel, but then you may not read the graphic novel, which I highly suggest. So was this a bad film? Really, with what Hollywood is putting out, this was at least an effort. If you have not read the graphic novel, this film may be more meaningful, but having read the novel I was expecting more. Now I know that no comic will ever transfer perfectly, but sometimes the director’s personal vision should remain just that. Let the comic speak and do your best to help it speak. Remember; ideas will never die but eventually the people creating them will. So bravo Alan Moore for standing up for an idea, and boo to you Wachowski brothers for trying to take it away.

By the way, go to Amazon and pick up V for Vendetta.