Reason #1: Action does not equal good story.

Pretty simple rule of thumb. No matter how much action is involved in the film it is meaningless unless it fulfills some aspects of the story. So District B13 is set in the future when Paris has become a walled off place divided into districts. Leïto (David Belle) is trying to save his district from the drug lord Taha (Bibi Naceri). In the process, Leïto outruns the thugs, has his sister (Dany Verissimo) kidnapped, thwarts Taha’s attempt, escapes and escorts Taha to the Police who then let him go with Lola and imprison Leïto. If not for the fact that this is all done with Leïto free running all over the city (buy a damn bike or escape faster). We are then later introduced to Damien (Cyril Raffaelli), a cop who now has to go to District B13 to retrieve a bomb stolen by Taha. So of course he needs Leïto. Here comes the buddy movie and more action. Kicks and punches and wall running and jumping… None of this helps explain the story. The film offers lots of glitz, but without the distraction of having to follow a storyline.

Reason #2: Good acting does not mean I kick well.

This is hard to argue since Bruce Lee seems to disprove this at times, but I think he actually acts better than many of the actors in this film. Wooden would be a kind way to discuss the acting. So imagine this, Bloodsport (or any other film from that era) with van Damme not even saying one liners. Bad news. I never got the feeling that District B13 even tried.

Reason #3: Social commentary is hard.

Here is a bone thrown District B13‘s way. There are moments of meaning hidden in the film. What would happen if we decided to wall of districts just because they had bad elements in them? Or how about we just blow them up? It provides a great entry into something meaningful. I am impressed that this was even attempted, considering reasons 1 and 2. It only comes across as meaningless social commentary, more of a tool for the types action and characters presented so that the audience has some believability.

Reason #4: Luc Besson likes to fuck with me.

He writes this film and I think to myself, “self, you liked other films he’s had a hand in even though they could get weird.” So I went into this with an open mind. Then he fucks me be giving me all of this fast paced action but without the Besson substance of The Transporter, Bandidas, or The Fifth Element. Hell, I would even throw in there Kiss of the Dragon. Most are forgettable after a few weeks, but they gave me entertainment and a little bit extra. But District B13 was so awful at times that I was glad it was short. Now I know he is not fully to blame, but too bad. Besson, give me this film with the plot of Kiss of the Dragon, the sci-fi of The Fifth Element, and Salma Hayek.

So where is the good I speak of? The action is outrageous and cool, but it gets tiring. The social commentary could have been better if it was the focus. The film looks good and the cinematographer should be commended. Thats about it. Sorry I can’t pass on the recommendation that was passed on to me, but you have better things to do than watch District B13. Wait until someone watches this and makes a better film.

So here is the story in a rather summarized fashion. Two women from different lifestyles are faced with an evil American “banker” that is taking their peoples land to run a railroad through Mexico. One girl finds that road leads through her farm and the other finds that it leads through her father. The come together by chance to save their people from the dirty banker. So they decide to rob banks. Well, that’s about the all of the plot. It is not very strong and is very simplistic. The plot has merit but is mired by the generic characteristics of a Western. It’s fun but really lacking with depth. This does surprise me a bit since Luc Besson had a hand in its making. I think the film works when you move beyond the story.

The acting is actually very good. Now I have to first declare that I love Selma Hayek and that I would watch her in any film just because she is in it. She plays the highly educated Sara, the daughter of the Mexican bank which is being taken over by the American bank. He is killed (we know it but Sara does not) by Jackson (Dwight Yoakam) Sara then plans her revenge. Maria (Penelope Cruz) is her opposite. She is a farm girl with not much education but does possess a passion for her people. When her farm is burnt down by Jackson and her father almost killed, she plans a bank robbery not for revenge but for money for her people. Each actress is very exquisite in their performance, but I have to add that some of that comes from the fact that each one is absolutely gorgeous in this film. Alone, each has a good presence and believability, but together they work like a well oiled acting machine. Their constant banter and rivalry puts many buddy flicks to shame. Even though they carried the film, many of the lesser roles truly brought the film to a different level. Quentin (Steve Zahn) is a forensic detective brought into town to find the bank robbers. Zahn is hilarious! His slightly neurotic behavior coupled with his wedding bound tempted by hot chicks attitude is refreshing to say the least. While Hayek and Cruz are humorous, Zahn propels their humor even further. It just goes to show that with the right actors around you things can work. Dwight Yoakam is also surprising as the evil Jackson. Honestly, I had to look on IMDB to found out it was him. I am actually not sure if that is good or bad. The final actor that deserves at least a nod is Sam Shepard playing retired bank robber Bill Buck. Even though his part is somewhat unneeded (he only trains the girls) it brings credibility to the film. Aside from the action, the actors create a worthwhile film.

As I mentioned, this film is really all about the ladies and action. I really had fun watching this, and find myself torn between film theorist and viewer. On one level; the plot is predictable, the action is nice, and no technical innovation. On another level, do we need those things to have a good film? Bandidas will never be one of the top films of all time, but it does have three things going for it: the acting, the action, and an uplifting message. Yes, the ladies save the day for Mexico. And yes, you see it coming from a mile away. However; as long as Hayek and Cruz are leading the way, I do not mind knowing the end.