I love Indiana Jones. Heck, I want to be Indiana Jones, minus all the snakes, spiders, bugs, guns… Okay so maybe I just want to be the adventurer archaeologist.  I have to say that Harrison Ford looked great in his fedora.  The years have been kind in a rugged way, and he hasn’t lost that Indy touch.  However, the rest of the cast and the film itself has lost the Indy touch.

As far as the story goes, we get Indy on his to find out another mystery.  This time it deals with a crystal skull, that we eventually discover is potentially from a downed UFO and therefore an alien.  We are introduced to the baddies of the film which include Col. Dr. Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) as the evil Russian mind melter something or other.  The plot degenerates from there.  Moving right along after a great chase sequence, Indy finds himself on a nuclear test site for no reason except we get some neat graphics of him in a refrigerator flying through the air.  And a really bad gopher.  I never said Indiana Jones was believable, and in most cases you tend to overlook that when watching any Indiana Jones film.  Somewhere along the way we are introduced to Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf), who really got on my nerves.  Right from the start, his character reeks of bad acting and even worse future Indy styling.  Indy needs to save Mutt’s mom (which is a highlight as Karen Allen reprises her role as Marion Ravenwood) and his adopted dad (another minor highlight as Professor Henry ‘Ox’ Oxley is played by John Hurt), which miracle upon miracle, is wrapped up in the crystal skull craze.  Move the action to the jungle and cue more chases.  Finally we reach the ultimate answer the crystal skulls, aliens.  Fucking aliens.

My venom knows no bounds when it comes to the fact that even if a film is unbelievable, there are bounds to the unbelievability.  With Indiana Jones, the wild and unbelievable artifact was always at least somewhat rooted in threads of believability.  The arc is a believable legend, as well as the holy grail.  But for some reason, aliens do not seem rooted in anything but someone’s (Spielberg) obsession with aliens.  Crystal skulls have many legends attached to them including aliens, but legends and seeing a fucking alien open up a dimensional portal are two entirely different things.  I can accept all of the action, it fits Indy.  I can accept some bad acting, I did for three other Indy films.  But I cannot accept aliens.  Therefore I present my final verdict.

There is no reason to see this film unless you can overlook the fact that it is a bad film and just want to revel that Harrison Ford can still be Indiana Jones.  I would rather go back and watch all three other Indy films than watch this one again.  My frustration with this film is comparable to the unforgivable Lucas doing more Star Wars films.  Oh gee, you mean Lucas was involved with this too.  Now it all makes sense.  Look, Indiana Jones will always be a crowd pleaser and a money maker, but enough is enough.  Shia will not be the next Indiana and there should be no more Indiana Jones films.  I suggest you watch National Treasure: Book of Secrets instead.  You heard me, it was more entertaining.  So long Indy, you will always have a place in my heart but now that place has a little black spot I call, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

I had no intentions of watching this film, but I couldn’t resist recapturing my youth since I saw an article about Thundercats, G.I. Joe, and Voltron films in production or the planning stages. Transformers was fun and entertaining with very cool special effects. I actually hate to admit that I did like the film. I am in no way endorsing a second one however. I think that films such as this exist because my generation wants to see what it would be like to have our toys exist on the screen. Animation just doesn’t cut it anymore. What surprised me the most was the acting in the film.

I fully understand why Shia LaBeouf is considered a hot property in Hollywood. As Sam Witwicky, he is hero who falls into the Transformer story. In general, the cast is interesting but does fade together throughout the film, but LaBeouf has the ability to rise out of the muddle and create a connection with the viewer. Perhaps it’s because when we were playing with Optimus Prime, we were Sam. The story is dependent upon the viewer transferring our hopes and dreams with Sam. LaBeouf has the ability to be charming, an idiot, hilarious, and a hero all within the confines of acting with a robot. His love interest Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) hurts and helps this. Megan Fox is hot, no doubt, but her acting borders eye candy and just enough. I think her character would be a great research project for a psychology class because it is obvious that her jailed father and bad taste in men define her character. Which makes it even more meaningful that she chooses Sam, or perhaps it makes it a necessity of the plot to keep her on camera. I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and wait until I see her in more films and reruns of Hope and Faith. I also want to mention that John Turturro’s Agent Simmons is a great little role. He’s quickly becoming an actor I look for in a film.

The biggest stars in the film are the Transformers. The voice acting is great and the transformation moments are well done, but you never really go beyond the “this is CGI” effect. Early in the film the transformations are handled slowly, setting up the first few aha moments. As you the film progresses, the transformation become more of a show than a plot device.

Speaking of plot, nah. You know the plot and even though you know exactly where the film is going, it really doesn’t matter. I was bothered by one aspect of the film, how in the hell do Sam and Mikaela not get injured whenever they are riding on Optimus Prime? I know this is a small thing, but it killed my believability. Even in a film this far from reality, it would be nice to think that I wasn’t being considered an idiot. Is there a safety cage on his shoulder or a force field? Are the humans actually just robots in disguise as well? If Deckard can be a replicant, could Sam be a new Autobot prototype? Whatever, the point is that if you introduce a gap, people are bound to see it.

Overall I am glad that I watched Transformers. It was a great way to revisit my youth and fulfill the nagging question, is it possible to do a live-action Transformers. The answer is yes, but only if your Michael Bay. I should also mention that Megan Fox is an Angelina Jolie clone with cool tattoos. I like tattoos and so should you.

Most kids will love the penguins, who doesn’t? Oh yeah, those that have recently watched March of the Penguins and Happy Feet. I have to tell you, I thought Happy Feet was not very good. Compared to Surf’s Up, Happy Feet is a bland regurgitation of a Disney film with forced environmental consciousnesses (which is good, but heavy handed when it’s animated penguins). Surf’s Up has a fresh attitude, but suffers the problem of being another penguin film; although compared to the rest it is the one to watch.

My favorite aspect of the film was the voice talent. It was fun trying to figure out who everyone was, and then laughing at how close the characters sometimes got to their voices. Jeff Bridges as Big Z was about the best match, I kept waiting to here him say, “It’s just Z, not the Z, just Z.” Hmm, I wonder if The Dude was his inspiration for the voice? How about Shia LaBeouf as Cody Maverick, Zooey Deschanel as Lani Aliikai, or James Woods as Reggie Belafont. Each one added to their character through their voice. I was even shocked by how perfect Jon Heder was as Chicken Joe. You see this slacker chicken surfer and wonder how many times the directors told Heder, “How about Napoleon as a chicken?” Yes it sounds like a cop out, but Chicken Joe should be similar to Napoleon. I was even glad to see Diedrich Bader voicing Tank Evans, which was another perfect match. And to think that I used to like him on The Drew Carey show, it’s nice to see him working.

Overall, Surf’s Up is a fun movie that offers more than just some disguised adult humor. It has a great story and a perfect way of presenting that story. The characters are lovable, but not because they are cute. They are lovable because they have personality, which is sometimes lacking in children’s films. For those of you who have ever viewed Creature Comforts, much of this film will remind you of the style used for those shows. That’s a bonus for some of us who hope a film version of Creature Comforts would appear. I am glad that Surf’s Up tried something a bit different, it worked.